Woo: (verb) to pursue for the affection of and usually marriage with; make amorous advances toward; court
I'm single and the fact is, I genuinely like being single. I'm enjoying the freedom and the perks (no name jokes, please) of my marital status. I get to travel and stay up late and spend my own money and cut my hair however I want... all the while NOT cooking and cleaning regularly. (Seriously, if you saw my room, you'd know I don't clean regularly.)
Still, I do eventually want to get married. And I hope that I enjoy being married as much as I enjoy being single.
I'm a bit of an old-fashioned girl when it comes to the whole courtship and wooing thing. Simply put, I want to be wooed. By a real man. He's going to have his work cut out for him in trying to convince me why I should give up my great single life to pick up his dirty socks.
Since it will be such a tough job, I figured the following pointers might come in handy. Of course, the fact that no single guys read this blog might render this post a bit pointless, but hey, at the very least you'll all be entertained. At that's pretty much my goal.
So, here is my list:
1. Buy Me Chocolates.
This is a sure way not to woo me because it means you don't know I don't like chocolate. It also can be a generic, stereotypical romantic gesture which, TO ME, would say you didn't know me, you weren't creative, and you think I'm like everyone else. (Obviously I realize most women love chocolate and thus, this wouldn't be on their list.)
2. Bore Me.
Go right ahead and be boring while my gnat-sized attention span runs out. If you can't keep my interest for a short length of time, do you really think I want to spend the rest of my life with you?
3. Disrespect My Parents. Or, Be Rude To My Family.
This is no laughing matter and pretty much guarantees a successful non-wooing. Try either of these and that door to my heart will slam so fast you might actually get hurt.
4. Buy Me Stuffed Animals. Especially The Sappy, Cutesy Ones.
If you get nothing else from this list, at least realize I'm not into sappy or generic cliches. Think of that stuffed animal, sitting so cutely on my shelf, reminding me of how little you actually know me. You can see why this is on the list.
5. Never Be Chivalrous
Look, if I want to be wooed, it's fairly certain to say I also like old-fashioned chivalry. (And if they're truthful, every girl likes it.) So, if you're on a quest not to woo me, never open the door or hold my coat or treat me like I'm a lady.
6. Write Sappy Poetry For Me. And Then Quote It In Public.
Sappy = crappy, remember? This one is fine if you're okay with being mocked. Because, honestly, if you do this, (I'll try my best to do it privately), I will mock you.
7. Never buy me jewelry or flowers or jewelry.
Now, these things I like, so if you're serious about not wooing me, avoid them at all costs. Which should work out well for your wallet.
8. Don't, Under Any Circumstances, Be Funny.
For me, funny covers a multitude of sins. I can tolerate just about anything as long as it's funny. If you're not funny, I'm not sure you actually have a chance. So, this would work well for any non-wooing you want to try.
Alrighty, get right on that non-wooing!
******
Okay, girls. I don't care if you have or haven't been wooed. I want to know at least one thing that would be on your list. Even if you're never posted a comment, try it. You know you want to.
- J -
October 19, 2006
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6 comments:
Oh, Julie...you always make me laugh!!! This was my favorite line: 'He's going to have his work cut out for him in trying to convince me why I should give up my great single life to pick up his dirty socks.' LOL! :)
Of course, we've had this conversation many times, and for myself, I would agree with all your points except the first one. I'm a shameless lover of chocolate. But I wouldn't necessarily be impressed if a guy bought them for me, since...well, it's just a common thing to do. :)
If a guy is not manly, then I really have a problem trying to even *like* him, much less love him. That could be defined in two categories: work ethic and emotions. If a guy can't get out there and work hard when something needs to be done, forget it. And snivvling emotional men will get nowhere with me! I mean, a little emotion is sometimes appropriate, but if he cries at every movie he watches, we are going to have some problems. My whole family is, by personality, not emotional, and that would be extremely annoying to me.
I'm sure there are more, but that is just what I came with off the top of my head. :)
Hmm...what came to mind first for me...was macho men. You know...the Rico Suave types. The ones who treat you like you should be so incredibly honored to have been graced by their presence...excuse me while I puke.
Then I thought about it some more...for sure how NOT to woo me...is to lie to me...about anything. That may seem like a no-brainer especially in Christian circles...however, it's not. Also pay attention to how he treats his parents. If he is willing to lie to them...even if it is FOR YOU...undoubtedly he will lie to you too. Lessons learned...and they don't come cheap!
Oh, and Juls, my favorite line of yours was the sappy=crappy. I was ROFLOL. "I will mock you." You gotta love it!
Great blog Juls...great comment Rachel.
LOl....ok I wasn't sure where you were going with the list at first. I read the first "buy me chocolate" and thought, "What?! She hates chocolate. What is she talking about?"
Then I started laughing really hard and called Jonathan in to read.
P.S. Jonathan says that since his woo-ing is complete, he will be sure to put these into practice upon our next meeting.
This was so funny! It really had me laughing.
So, the ones that would have been at the top of my list of ways not to woo me would have been numbers 3, 5 and 6. Another one that would be on my list would be trying to act like someone you're not.
Of course, I couldn't disagree with you more on the first one. :) I love chocolate and my husband still can woo me with it.
Oh, and Julie, a little boredom might not be too bad if your wooer is nice to look at. :)
Let's try this again, shall we?
How Not to woo.
First step, Be cocky. Being confident is one thing, knowing what your abilities AND inabilities are. Being cocky is thinking abosolutly nothing is out of your grasp. But, unfortunaly, many things are! Only God has that kind of reach, and no man here on Earth at this moment is God.
Aw, girls. You're so sweet to comment. And it made my post that much better! LOVE all your comments. Rachy, I couldn't agree more on the whole manliness issue. I knew a few (all?) of you would disagree with me about the chocolate-- that's okay, I understand. Susan, you were making ME laugh with your boredom comment. Maybe I'll add this: If you MUST be bored, make sure you are handsome so if I'm bored, at least I can look at you. LOL
All of your comments were great-- thanks for commenting and the laughs.
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