If You Need A Laugh Today

So I've been meaning to blog about this for a while because it's just TOO FUNNY not to share!

Now y'all know I encounter a lot of crazy people where I work. Some entertaining, some annoying, some baffling, some a mixture of all three! This particular, uh, patron, just completely cracked me up.

He filed a case because some woman damaged his car with a brick. Mr. Brick finally got her served, had his hearing, and got a $2400 judgment in his favor.

He explained to me that he had read our booklet on post-judgment collection but that none of those options would work for him because the defendant wasn't employed, didn't own any property, and didn't have any bank accounts. Then he asked me what he could do.

Uh. I suggested to him that he should contact the defendant and try to collect the money himself. He hemmed and hawed about that and said he really didn't want to talk to her himself.

He asked me a few times, "What can I do?" I explained again the procedures he could follow through the court and he kept saying those wouldn't help him. I really didn't have any other answer for him. (Although, in my head I was saying, "Yeah, that's why you should think about this before suing someone who DOESN'T HAVE ANY MONEY!!!!")

So, this is the brilliant solution that he came up with:

Mr. Brick: "Well, can the court just pay me and then the court collect the money from her?"
Me: [biting lips as to not burst out laughing] ....... *deep breath*
Me: "No sir, that's not something the court would do. What guarantee would we have that she would pay the court?"
Mr. Brick: "Hm. Okay."
Me: *looking at him blankly still trying not to laugh*

I guess he REALLY wants the State of MD to go broke and not be able to pay its employees!!

It's Opposite Day

.... in a weird way.

Today at work, we had a husband and wife (estranged, obviously) come in to file protective orders AT THE SAME EXACT TIME. Personally, I think they were rushing to see who could get the first punch in, but it was quite amusing to watch them pointedly ignore each other.

A coworker answered the phone and was talking to a tenant regarding a rent case. I answered the next call and when I went to pull the file, I realized she had it on her desk. The landlord and tenant called AT THE SAME EXACT TIME. What are the chances?! Incidentally, the tenant owes $101,130.20. It's a furniture store so I might be shopping for some furniture soon. :o)

Odd.

Kelly Hildebrandt will marry Kelly Hildebrandt.

This isn't a joke. An engaged Florida couple has the same first and last name.

Here's how it all started: 20-year-old Kelly Hildebrandt decided to search Facebook for other people with her name. Up popped Kelly Hildebrandt of Lubbock, Texas. For the next three months the two exchanged e-mails and then started calling each other.

Then he decided to visit, and the couple soon began dating. Eight months after Kelly Hildebrandt sent her first e-mail, he proposed. The couple plans to marry in October.

It hasn't been all smooth sailing. A trip on a cruise ship almost got canceled when the travel agent deleted one ticket from the system, thinking someone had plugged in the same information twice.

Hmmmm..... I want to comment but I will refrain. :o)

He's Baaaaaaaaaack

If you recall from this post, I recounted the experience I had with ..... at work we call Mr. Brunswick because that's where he lives (and only if you live in this area will you understand the true humor of that). Anyhoo, Mr. B was back for the final hearing of his peace order (yes, it actually was granted!). His hearing was at 9:00AM but he plopped himself outside my office at about 8:02AM.

When 8:30AM hit, I went upstairs to check the courtroom assignments. I decided to be proactive about the situation, so I just brought the little man upstairs with me so he didn't sit outside my office badgering me to death. :) On the way up, he told me he has every disease except diabetes. (Wow, and you're still walking?!) Incidentally, he was wearing a bight green nightshirt that went past his knees and polyester pants. At least this time he had two matching shoes on. (Last time, he had one black and one white shoe.)

Apparently they didn't serve the guy he filed against (a homeless guy who lives in West Virginia- how shocking they couldn't find him!!) so his order was extended and he. has. to. come. back. next. week.

After his hearing, he came down for his new order and proceeded to entertain me once again. I had to keep my hand over my mouth the whole time because I thought I was going to burst out laughing. This time, he told me the following:

- He has Crohn's disease. (He actually told me this like 8 times.)

- Because of his Crohn's disease, he made a mess in the bathroom upstairs. (Okay, moving along... I don't want to know ANYthing more about that!!)

- His wife has typhoid. (Uh, is her name Mary?)

- They didn't know she had typhoid and it's very contagious so he and his wife were traveling around the country killing people. (I'm hoping he meant because of the typhoid.)

- His secretary hurt her back or leg and then she was put in a nursing home, but an illegal alien forced her out of the nursing home at midnight. (Why on earth does he have a secretary?!)

- He got Crohn's disease from Brunswick. (That's the city where he lives and I actually sorta believe this one!! LOL)

I guess we'll see what fun comes our way NEXT Friday. And lest you think I'm completely heartless, I do understand the man has some issues and I'm not making light of his situation. But you must admit he says some hilarious things!

Brother & Sister

The oldest and the newest have a very cute bond. K1 is very responsible, of course, and likes to take care of her brother. Here she is a while ago when she was about J's age. So cute....

And here is a recent picture of J which shows you why we think he one of the cutest baby boys EVER. :-D

Love of fruit must run in the family. The look on his face kills me. I think he looks a lot like his oldest sister in this picture.

And the love...

A Day In The Life

Well this might be quite a post. But I had QUITE a day at work. I'll put it this way: every time I walked out the door, my boss told me to please come back. Let's dive right in.

Customer #1:

I have nicknamed him $25 million. He was in yesterday and filed 3 motions to stay his eviction, which were all denied. I had a feeling he would be in today since his eviction was scheduled for 11:00am today. Sure enough, about 10:00AM (a mere hour before his eviction I might point out) he came in and proceeded to argue with me for about 35 minutes. He (a) demanded to see the judge, (b) threatened to sue the judge and court for $25 million, (c) declared the judge was denying him his rights, (d) threatened to take the law into his own hands [and yelled that he BETTER NOT be arrested for it], (e) explained to me how the judge was discriminating against him because he was white (to which I replied that the judge didn't even know what he looked like), (f) threatened to barricade himself in his home; (g) demanded that I tell him where the judge was so he could go talk to him, and (h) explained his story over and over again. Then demanded that I help him.

Initially I tried to reason with him. Then I came to my senses and realized it would be like reasoning with a drunk- utterly pointless and completely ineffective. I ended up just listening, trying to keep him calm, and saying over and over "I don't recommend that you do that."

He filed a 4th motion to stay his eviction which was also denied, so I'm only assuming his stuff is out on the street as I type. The amazing part is when I suggested to him that he simply pay what he owes to stop the eviction, he yelled that he would NEVER pay the rent because his landlord was trying to extort money from him. Uh, okay. Apparently I'm mistaken that you actually have to pay money when you rent an apartment.

And that was only the beginning.

Customer # 2

A 73 year old man who came up with a soiled t shirt, a HUGE magnifying glass, and never opened his eyes when talking to me. He wanted to file a peace order but started off on a tangent which included the following statements: (I promise you that I am not making any of this up!)

- He used to be a millionaire, but the IRS hates him so they took away all his money.
- His wife is a polygamist. She had another husband but she didn't know he wasn't dead.
- He had a son who bought him a car, but when I asked his son's name, he told me it was Smith because his son had changed his name a few times because he was a doctor and didn't want anyone to know his name.
- Later when I asked him if he had any children, he said no because (AND I QUOTE) he had "never had sex to have children."
- He had five doctorate and five post-doctorate degrees.
- He was the great-great-great-great-great grandson of President Pierce.
- He was also related to some man in the boat with George Washington.
- He was ALSO related to Grace Kelly.
- He provided me with much-unwanted details of his health problems which I will not relate to you.
- He told me he didn't know if he could stay in the courtroom because he didn't bring any diapers.
- The government hates him.

You can imagine that I was drained when he finally left. I just.... no, there are no words.

There was a stream of people with ridiculous questions who didn't listen to the answers. It was a bit of a blur.

Customer # I have no idea

A Korean man came in to file a protective order. It took me FOREVER to find out if he needed an interpreter, then explain to him that we wouldn't be able in two hours to get a Korean interpreter, THEN I found out it wasn't even HIS name on the petition, it was his wife's. So, THEN I had to explain to him over and over that his wife had to be there. He's supposed to come back tomorrow morning. Something to look forward to. Yay.

Customer # I definitely lost count now

A lady came in with "questions". That's always a bad start because they generally want free legal advice, someone to vent to, or anything I can't give them. At first she wanted us to force the local mediation service (comprised of volunteers) to call her back. Um. Ok. Cuz we can do that. After a while, she finally decided to file a peace order against a former girlfriend who was threatening not to take care of the cat anymore. She even asked for the judge to order visitation with the cat.

I spent alot of time outside when I got off work. Thankfully the weather was gorgeous!

Because Pictures Are Easy

23 Flavors of Deliciousness

DR PEPPER ARTIFACT MAY REVEAL SOFT DRINK'S ORIGIN

DALLAS — Poking through antiques stores while traveling through the Texas Panhandle, Bill Waters stumbled across a tattered old ledger book filled with formulas.

He bought it for $200, suspecting he could resell it for five times that. Turns out, his inkling about the book's value was more spot on than he knew. The Tulsa, Okla., man eventually discovered the book came from the Waco, Texas, drugstore where Dr Pepper was invented and includes a recipe titled "D Peppers Pepsin Bitters."

"I began feeling like I had a national treasure," said Waters, 59.

Dr Pepper's manufacturer says the recipe is not the secret formula for the modern day soft drink, but the 8 1/2-by-15 1/2 inch book is expected to sell between $50,000 to $75,000 when it goes up for auction at Dallas-based Heritage Auction Galleries on May 13.

"It probably has specks of the original concoction on its pages," Waters said.

Waters discovered the book, its yellowed pages stained brown on the edges, underneath a wooden medicine bottle crate in a Shamrock antiques store last summer. A couple months after buying it, he took a closer look as he prepared to sell it on eBay.

He noticed there were several sheets with letterheads hinting at its past, like a page from a prescription pad from a Waco store titled "W.B. Morrison & Co. Old Corner Drug Store." An Internet search revealed Dr Pepper, first served in 1885, was invented at the Old Corner Drug Store in Waco by a pharmacist named Charles Alderton. Wade Morrison was a store owner.

Faded letters on the book's fraying brown cover say "Castles Formulas." John Castles was a partner of Morrison's for a time and was a druggist at that location as early as 1880, said Mary Beth Webster, collections manager at the Dr Pepper Museum and Free Enterprise Institute in Waco.

As he gathered more information, Waters took a slower turn through the book's more than 360 pages, which are filled with formulas for everything from piano polish to a hair restorer to a cough syrup. He eventually spotted the "D Peppers Pepsin Bitters" formula.

"It took three or four days before I actually realized what I had there," Waters said.

The recipe written in cursive in the ledger book is hard to make out, but ingredients seem to include mandrake root, sweet flag root and syrup.

It isn't a recipe for a soft drink, says Greg Artkop, a spokesman for the Plano-based Dr Pepper Snapple Group. He said it's likely instead a recipe for a bitter digestive that bears the Dr Pepper name.

He said the recipe certainly bears no resemblance to any Dr Pepper recipes the company knows of. The drink's 23-flavor blend is a closely guarded secret, only known by three Dr Pepper employees, he said.

Michael Riley, chief cataloger and historian for Heritage Auction Galleries, said they think it's an early recipe for Dr Pepper.

"We just feel like it's the earliest version of it," he said.

He hasn't, however, tested that theory by trying to mix up a batch. Neither has Waters; he's thought about it but would need to find someone to decipher all the handwriting.

Jack McKinney, executive director of the Waco museum, surmised that Alderton might have been giving customers something for their stomachs and added some Dr Pepper syrup to make it taste better.

"I don't guess there's any definitive answer. It's got to be the only one of its kind," Riley said.
McKinney said the ledger book was bound to be popular with Dr Pepper collectors because it's from the time the drink was invented.

Riley said the book was probably started around 1880 and used through the 1890s. It's not known who wrote the Dr Pepper recipe in the book, but they don't think it was the handwriting of Alderton or Morrison. Some of the formulas have Alderton's name after them.

At first, Alderton's drink inspired by the smells in the drugstore was called "a Waco." "People would come in and say, 'Shoot me a Waco,'" Riley said.

Soon renamed Dr Pepper, the drink caught on and other stores in town began selling it. Eventually, Alderton got out of the Dr Pepper business and Morrison and a man named Robert Lazenby started a bottling company in 1891.

Flipping through the pages of the ledger book takes one back to a time when drugstores were neighborhood hubs, selling everything from health remedies to beauty products mixed up by the stores' chemists. And among the formulas being mixed up in drugstores were treats for the soda fountain. A two-page spread in Waters' book has recipes for "Soda Water Syrups," including pineapple, lemon and strawberry.

"There were very few national brands," Riley said. "Their lifeblood was all their formulas."

Because I'm Lazy

Yes, my blog has been dying a slow, painful death. That's what happens when you start working full time and have other more important things to do with the time that's left in the day. :)

But I genuinely have missed blogging and I have been asked by more than one person for more posts.... especially crazy work posts (which ARE coming!). So, here's hoping this will whet your appetite and will get me back in the game. :)

Have you ever broken a flip-flop?
~ Yes. With as many pairs of flip flops as I own, it's not that much of a stretch. :)

Do you like to bake?
~Yes, yes, yes! I've become the official cookie baker of my office. It's just my sneaky ploy to get them all to like me. :) Ha!

Do you carry​ peppe​r spra​y?​​
~ No. I do have a gun tho. Which is not legal for me to carry. I'll just take off my shoe and beat the attacker with it. :)

Do you have any magaz​ine subsc​ripti​ons?​​
~I don't. I'm too cheap. I go to the library and check them out for free!

Do you like to wear sweat​ers?​​
~ Yes, especially very soft ones!! Chenille is my friend.

Do you like too mix toget​her odd combi​natio​ns of food?​​
~ No. I don't even really like my food to touch on the plate. :)

Have you woken​ up in the middl​e of a crazy​ night​mare latel​y?​
~No, not lately.

Do you drink​ water​ often​?​​
~ Absolutely! That's what I drink the most of any beverage and y'all KNOW how much I love me some Dr Pepper!

Have you eaten​ pizza​ in the past week?​​
~Actually no. Which is surprising.

Last night​ you felt?​​
~ Frustrated.

What'​​s a happy​ time you'​​ve had in the past week?​
~ Spending time with my nieces and watching them dress up in my clothes and shoes. Cleaning out my closet. Getting rid of clutter makes me VERY happy!

Who do you feel most comfo​rtabl​e talki​ng to about​ anyth​ing?​​
~ J & L without a doubt!

Where​ would​ you like to be right​ now?
~ With J or L or both! Or on a beach! Or on a great trip..... with J & L! Haha!

Who was the last perso​n of the same sex you hung out with?​​
~Hm. Wow this is harder than I thought to answer. I don't know and I'm feeling too impatient to sort it out. :)

Last store​ you last bough​t cloth​es from?
~ Uh. I can remember the last store I bought shoes from! :) Uh. I'm thinking either Target, Kohl's or JCPenney.

Do you enjoy​ day or night​ more?​​
~ I've always been a night owl.

Do you like takin​g pictu​res,​​ or being​ taken​ of?
~Taking pictures!

Ever made a prank​ call that went way too far?
~ Uh, no.

Your favor​ite Disne​y movies​?​​
~Lady & The Tramp

Do you like celer​y?
~ Ugh NO! It's one of the foods I really hate actually.

Have/​​Do you have brace​s?​​
~ Yes and I loved it!!

Are you a video​ game kinda​ perso​n?​​
~ No! I think (generally) they are a waste of time. Except the Wii. I like playing Wii. :)

Bar soap or Body Wash?​​
~Body wash for sure! Especially if it smells good!

Are you a healt​h freak​?​​
~ No, but I do wish I was healthier.

What size is your bed?
~ queen!

Do you wear glass​es?​​
~Sometimes when i don't feel like wearing my contacts!

Do you order​ off the value​ menu?​​
~ Not at McDonald's cuz I don't eat that. But I guess I would. I don't eat fast food too much. Well, except for Chick-Fil-A but that's more than fast food! :)

Do you spray​ perfu​me in your hair?​​
~Yeah, sometimes.

At this very momen​t,​​ what exact​ly are you doing​?​​
~ Blogging. Isn't that kinda obvious? :)

Whats​ you'​​re favor​ite thing​ to do on the weeke​nd?​​
~ Sleep in! But lots of other things too!

Daddy? Mommy?

Somehow..... and I truly do not know how.... I got these two pictures back to back. When I was looking at them, it dawned on me that the two pictures perfectly illustrated the mystery that is J.

In the one above, he looks just like his daddy.

And in the one above, he looks just like his mommy!

So, I guess the answer to the question of who J looks like is..... BOTH!

Just Like Daddy

So, baby J is our only thumbsucker. Both of the girlies had their pacis, but J loves his thumb just like his daddy did. I took this picture around Christmas and thought it was too sweet not to share.

Things I'd Like To Say If I Could

- Don't be early. Be earlier. Seriously. The judge will probably not care why you were late. Also, I don't really need to hear the story of why you were late.


- Always have your case number. You'll start out on the right foot if I don't have to spend time trying to find your case among the thousands we have.


- Tenants: pay your rent. Landlords: no, the process is probably not fair, but that's what you got yourself into when you decided to rent your property. If you don't like it, sell your house.


- Be nice to those people behind the counter. They kinda have you in the palm of their hands. If you're respectful and friendly, we'll remember that. We'll also remember if you're nasty, rude, offensive, or impatient. And we will tell our co-workers.


- Take. A. Shower. Please.

- Listen. Ask questions if you need to. Then LISTEN to the answers. Why did you ask for my help if you're going to walk away as I'm giving you the answer?


- Read the signs in the courthouse. It might not be as hard as you think.


- Show up for your hearings. It's your legal rights, people. The courthouse is not about fun and socialization.

- If you keep calling, you still won't get a different answer.

- If you owe money, pay it ASAP. There are these little things called court costs, pre-judgment interest, attorney's fees, and post judgment interest. Soon your $500 bill becomes $4000.

- Don't be mad at me when your wages get garnished. I'm not getting the money.


- Stay out of court. Trust me on this one. :)

Thanks! I feel better.