My Thoughts On Pets

Basically, I'm not fond of pets.

I'm not exactly sure why since I never had a traumatic pet experience. (Well, there was that time my hamster ate her babies. That was pretty bad.) We had our fair share of pets growing up-- at least three dogs, a cat, a bird, some hamsters, and a few hundred fish. (Thanks to a brief period of multiplying guppies.) It's been quite a while since we had a pet in our house. I think we finally came to our senses where pets are concerned.


[Okay, technically, my dad has a tartantula, which could be considered a pet. But, you know, it's an ugly, giant, nasty, scary spider. For me, it just doesn't fit the definition of "pet". Come on, look at that picture!]

I believe I have valid reasons for not jumping on the pet bandwagon. First of all, in general, they smell bad. Seriously, have you ever smelled a ferret? *shudder* I just don't like bad smells. Here is a list of things related to pets that stink: dogs, litter boxes, fish tanks, dog breath, bird cages, cats, wet birds, FERRETS, and any substance coming out of the animal. Hm. It would have been quicker for me just to say everything related to pets stinks. :)

Also, most pets shed. I don't want dog hair on my clothes or feathers in my food. My house is where I (want to) feel safe from germs and foreign substances. Cats walking on kitchen countertops is just gross. (No offense to the cat lovers out there.)

Pets can also be expensive. I have definite priorities when it comes to spending my money, and an animal is either (1) off the list completely or (2) so far down it might as well be off the list.

The thing that bugs me the most about pets is that, IN GENERAL, they are fairly useless. What do they really do? They cause you work. They sleep. They stay in their cages. They walk around your house. They, um, do their business. You're probably not going to make a case to me that fish provide companionship and increase your quality of life.

However, there are exceptions to my not-so-fond-of-pets rule. I love Jo's dog, Bella. Why? Because Bella is like a human. She has the most personality of any animal I've ever encountered. She's fun and interesting and entertaining. When Bella has dog breath, Jo will say to Bella, "Close your mouth, you have dog breath." And Bella will close her mouth! :) If you can show me an animal that has personality, I'll probably like it. Otherwise, not so much.

I should also mention that, for me, cats are in their own special category. I've been attacked four times by cats (can cats sense hatred?), so perhaps you understand why I intend never to own a cat.

In conclusion, let me share the most complete and hilarious irony of this post:


This is Princess Kaia, the dog my dad just bought. Kaia is an American Bulldog, really cute, and a very good puppy. I still don't like dog breath, but I must admit I treat this dog like she's part of the family. I've already given her a bath, and I may try to brush her teeth some day. I haven't spent any money on her.... yet. :)

- J, now part of a pet family -



PS: If you're an animal lover, please don't take this personally. It's meant to be tongue-in-cheek and entertaining. If you want to share your happy pet stories, please feel free.